Lets not pretend

Being a Mum is seriously one of the single best things I have ever done in my life and continue to do! But lets not pretend people, amongst all those great days with our beautiful kids, the fun activities, the outings, the love and hugs, there are in fact some pretty crappy days.
Some people seem to hide these days, I’m not sure for what benefit, maybe they think no one else has them and they will be looked at weirdly, or maybe they like to keep up a pretty facade. I have never hid the numerous crappy days I’ve had with P from any of my friends or family…. for the simple fact that if someone finds themselves in my shoes, remembering back to the crappy day I had, might make them feel a little bit ok with it and help them get on with the day!
Like three weeks after I had been home, struggling with breastfeeding, and my panic attacks were creeping back in (another story completely), I had a group of close friends over from work. I didn’t hide the fact that I was distraught that my little girl wouldn’t eat, or that I in fact may have to turn to bottle feeding (which I was terrified about what others may think). Instead I cried, I sobbed and told them “It’s not all roses girls, I’m a true friend, I’ll show you the bad days too”. And with that came support, support when I did in fact have to put my girl on the bottle (friends who tried so hard and in the end just couldn’t continue, friends that persisted and managed to breastfeed for months to come, so many stories of struggle!). And since then, some of the girls that were in my lounge that day, when they had their own babies, did think back to that day and were able to find comfort in it and even have a laugh.
So let’s not pretend to others, instead lets ask for help if we need it, share the bad days (as we’ll find so many commonalities it’ll actually be funny!), take a break when you know you need it, and make light of a bad situation! Many of us appear to our friends and family as Super Mum’s, when in fact we all are!! But occasionally our capes need a wash, so lets not hide that fact!
Bx
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4 thoughts on “Lets not pretend

  1. You're so right… I forgot to tell my not-yet-with-baby friends the bad stuff. Actually no, it's not being forgetful, it was deliberate. One, I didn't want to sound like a whinger. Two, I didn't want anyone to think I couldn't cope. Three, you don't want to frighten people. There's not much worse than those people who delight in telling their most horrendous birth stories to pregnant women! So, I felt I shouldn't share the really bad bits. But… I can now see the error in this approach. I have recently had a close friend break down over the fact she's just not feeling all those wonderful things she thinks she 'should' after the birth of her baby, only 14 days ago. She sobbed because she just didn't get why she wasn't feeling great all the time. I wanted to laugh – what on earth did she think it was like? But then I realised I've never told her any of the bad things – the no sleep, the poor feeding, the relentlessness, the fears, frustrations and all the other negatives that come with parenting. No wonder she's confused and upset. I can't help but feel really guilty that I never told her the bad things but am going to from now on, no matter how whingey or whiny I sound. Oops, sorry for the essay! Great post.

  2. Thanks for the comment Kate! It can be a fine line between whinging and telling a story can't it? And let's face it, unless someone asks, they don't really need to know the horror stories that can be child birth! I think we as mum's just need to help eachother out a little, and not be so judgemental of other's choices.

  3. Crappy days, I had plenty of them (still having them now!!)Children are a treasure but bloody hard work. We are having a terrible time the Z (2yrs)at the moment. Headbutting anything in sight and constant screaming!! Add to that he still does not sleep through the night!!!! I have given up following advice from the experts, because they don't know my son. And although I can't imagine life without my 2 boys,I still think back to the days of lazy sleep in's and day's about ME!!Love the blog Bel 🙂

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