I’m scared, I know I shouldn’t be but….

I’ve re-written this post a couple of times, taken out sentences, added in different ones, then deleted the whole thing and started from scratch today.  I didn’t want this post to come across negatively, at the time when I originally wrote the post (the deleted one) I guess I was in a negative mindset.  But now that things have calmed and I’m feeling level-headed, I’m re-writing the post in a way that seems more fitting.

I have never been extremely body confident, but was happy with my body and the way I looked before I had Phoebe.  I’ve never really been one for exercising or playing team sports either.  When I fell pregnant with Phoebe, I put on 15 kilos and since the day I had her, I’ve only lost 5 kilos (funny that that was probably how much she weighed, whoops!).  I have many stretch marks to tell the tale of her being in my belly, I like to call them ‘kick marks’ though and they honestly don’t bother me one little bit (I was never a bikini wearer in the first place).  I was left too with LOTS of excess skin, the type that my Doctor told me could never be toned through exercise, only fixed by surgery.  But I hide it well with my clothes choices, no one notices, and when I have shown friends, needless to say, they were a little shocked.

About six months ago, I became unhappy with my body and I’ll stress I wasn’t necessarily unhappy with my weight, more the way I felt.  And so I started to move my body!  I slowly (with the help of some friends) built up my walking to spurts of jogging.  I borrowed a treadmill and started jogging even further.  I actually did start to enjoy it (previously I lacked motivation and drive).  I’m unlucky in the fact though that I can’t change my diet too much, I have this unusual problemo with texture which doesn’t allow me to eat fruit, salad and some veggies (although I’m getting better at having them within other foods).  And then I fell pregnant, I got tired (like we all do) and I was too exhausted some nights to even manage with all the housework let alone going for a walk/jog.  Now my pelvis is playing up too, so I’m in a spot of bother.

This image is from my Pinterest Board ‘Move it’ – I cannot find the original source to give credit where credit is due 😦

So, I’m scared, I know I shouldn’t be, but I was already unhappy with my body…..I’m completely happy at the moment though, I’m pregnant and loving the little home I am creating.  But I’m wondering what state my body will be left in after Bubba V arrives?  I’m not feeling at all pressured by celebrities and their bounce back bodies (although I sometimes do have the urge to slap them), they obviously worked hard, really really hard.  So, my question to you is, am I alone in the way I’m feeling?  How did you or are you trying to feel better about your body after children?

Bel x

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13 thoughts on “I’m scared, I know I shouldn’t be but….

  1. My Lord its like you have crawled into my head the last few posts and are sharing my thoughts with the world!!!

    I am terrified of what my body is going to be like after having the twins. Unlike you I was not only unhappy with how I felt and looked, but also with my weight. There is no hiding the fact that I am a big girl, morbidly obese or so I am told, and who am I to argue?

    I also am unable to do a lot of physical exercise due to my arthritis. My advice do what you can and try not to stress. Eat as healthily as possible and move how and when you can. There is more than enough time to worry about our bodies once the babies are all here. I’m hoping that having more than one child (meaning an older one and the babies) means that I will be run off my feet and the weight will magically disappear lol.

    The other advice I read that was great. A couple of months before you are due start preparing extra meals (or make double of the meals you cook) and freeze them. That way once there is a new born in the house you don’t need to stress about cooking healthy meals, you already have them. And by the time they run out you should be getting a little more sleep and be able to at least think about cooking dinner lol.

    • Thanks Bec for popping by. I like what I write here because it is honest and it is what I think…..often my friends here make me feel like I’m not alone, and I sometimes make them feel that way too and I love that!
      I’m sure we’ll both get there in due time. But I think it is natural to worry a little from time to time!

  2. Bel I so totally understand this!
    I was a little too obsessed with my post baby body after Evie was born. From the moment I could get out and walk I did, every morning and every after. I lost all my baby weight and then some but I then stopped. I never re-toned my body so I worry about how this pregnancy will effect my body. I do not have high body confidence and place way too much importance on how I look. It affects my state of mind and my well being when I am not happy with the way I look. So I worry about where my head will end up, if my body doesnt go back to the way I want it to!

    • Bel, I think that there is not one mum out there that is completely happy with their body after babies ( me included) I still have a good 10kgs to loose after having Kaylah but can’t seem to get my butt motivated. I have spits and spats of healthy eating and exercise but can’t seem to keep it all going long enough to loose a decent amount of weight that anyone will notice. One of my top reasons for not having a third baby is because I’m worried what it will do to my body and what I’ll look like afterwards.
      I’ve always said tummy tucks should come free with every baby. Lol
      Also I had unstable pelvis with my first, I got told by a physio to suck my tummy in like I’m trying to make my belly button touch my back and hold for 5 seconds. Do that 3 times, 3 times a day. After about 3 days there was a massive difference. It helps strengthen all the muscles around the area to keep everything in place better 😉
      On a happy note, are your migrains gone with this pregnancy too??

      • One of my biggest things in the past has been lacking motivation and drive. I struggle to keep going but know now I survive longer with an exercise regime if I have friends with me and to answer too.
        I’ve been a good girl doing my exercises from the Osteo, some days and better and some are worse but I’m not complaining. As for my migraines, I wasn’t doing very well at the start but they seem to have died down for now…..fingers crossed!

    • Thanks Jess for making me not feel alone today! I’m sure we’ll both get there in due course but I don’t doubt there will be struggles along the way.
      And for the record, I think you are looking smoking in you maternity photos that you are posting on your blog. I think they ooze confidence that maybe you don’t know you have x

  3. Oh lovely, you are not alone. You are ME! I swear I could have written this post in the exact words that you did. I hate exercise {despite my best intentions}. I’m not at all body confident {oh, the clothes I wish I could wear!}. I have stretch marks {I call them ‘battle scars’ 🙂 }. I make myself feel better by telling myself that I was SO fortunate enough to be able to grow and birth two beautiful, healthy and happy children. That their little bodies lived inside my body for nine months. It actually DOES make me feel pretty darn proud of myself and what this ol’ body of mine has achieved. You are not alone. You are beautiful 🙂 Xx

    • I’m glad I am not alone in my little world and my own thoughts!! I hope next year I will gain motivation to do something regularly! However, I am very much like you in the fact that I am so very proud that my body has homed one and one child on the way. I guess this is one of the many sacrifices women make, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  4. So everyone that knows me (bels sister) knows I am a skinny minny but I don’t think weight matters- whether it be ‘too big’ or ‘too small’ it’s all about being healthy & how u feel about yourself. U can be a bigger person & be happy & confident, just like u can be a smaller person & be unhappy. Someone actually said to me the other day ‘I wouldn’t want to hear from you about the struggles of motherhood because look at you, your skinny’ I was gobsmacked! Just because I’m skinny doesn’t mean I’ve got my shit together, that my world is perfect! Bel, at the end of the day there are things u can control & things you can’t. You are going to put on weight with this baby, that’s a given & that’s healthy. You can control being healthy, looking after yourself and how u feel about yourself. Listen to your body, let it do what it’s gotta do, what it’s built to do and if at any point u feel you need to control/loose the weight then take steps to do that too xxx

    • I don’t like the numbers on the scale either, I think if you feel good you look good, if you don’t (which I didn’t) I need to do something about it. I won’t be worrying about anything until me body has healed after Bubba V.

      As for the comment someone made, I didn’t know there was a direct link between mothering and being skinny hmmmmm. I don’t think anyone should comment on anyone’s weight no matter if you are fat, skinny or considered ‘normal’ whatever THAT is!!

  5. My sister in law and I refer to it as the new normal. There are many things that change post babies and body shape and size is just one more thing that won’t be as it was before.

    • I like that Liz, ‘the new normal’. So true that so much changes, I guess I’m just being honest with myself which is always the first step. I know my body won’t ever be the same, but it still can be healthy and I can still be healthy.

  6. I agree with all the other comments. Go for healthy, not skinny. The best thing I ever did was throw away the scales. I have no number to compare to or count up or down from.
    I eat a very healthy, varied diet (let’s not count the soft drink, though!), move my wobbly body but it seems to be stuck in the same, post-baby shape. I guess it’s my “NEW NORMAL”!!

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