Self Portrait Maternity – 25 weeks

Another milestone (I like 12 weeks, 20 weeks, 25 weeks, 30 weeks, 35 weeks and of course the big 40 weeks!).  Some days I still can’t believe I’m pregnant (apart from the physical signs of course) and others, baby kicks me so hard I am jolted and reminded again.

This week, Phoebe actually ‘saw’ Bubba V move inside my tummy.  He/she gave the biggest kick, and without me reacting, Phoebe knew exactly what had happened.  She was so excited!  Apart from my sister and I, no one else has been able to feel Bubba V move yet.  I really can’t wait til Hubby can feel the movements too!  There are definitely times of the day or after I eat certain things that Bubba V is more alert, like around 9pm when I go to bed, or straight after I eat ice-cream.

Pregnancy insomnia has set in.  No matter how exhausted I am after my days events, I jump into bed and sleep just wont come until about 11pm.  Then I am awake aroun 2:30am, which was the same when I was pregnant with Phoebe and ended up being one of her most prominent feed times.  My pelvis is giving me great grief this week, I feel as though I have been kicked over and over again by a bloke wearing steel cap boots.  I stuggle like an old woman to get out of seats and bed, and walk with a very well defined waddle.

Although I know I am growing, I feel as though my belly is staying the same.  I hear a lot of people say with their second they pop out quickly and then plateu out for a while.  It hasn’t stopped people telling me how huge I am though and really, I’m quite over it.  Seriously, every body is different and there are MUCH nicer ways to say things.  And while we are on the topic, yes ok, I guess I am still a bit emotional!!

The playroom is almost complete.  Hubby has worked his arse off every night after work.  He’s tired, I can see it, but he wants it done before Christmas and well, that isn’t too far away now.  Once completed, a big clean out of toys, the study and of Phoebe’s room (along with a little revamp).

Bel x

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The Big Bad Wolf

Phoebe had her dance concert on Sunday. It’s been all year coming, and none of us were sure of the outcome. You see, last year my dear girl was in the baby group, so darn cute they were that when they walked out of stage and started their number, there were lots of “ooohhhs” and “ahhhs” and a few giggles. Being that Phoebe is a smart lil chicken, she of course heard the laughing but summarized that everyone was in fact laughing at her. It took some persuading by me and her teacher to get her to hop on stage one last time for the finale.

This year, she has loved dancing and seems to have learnt a lot. She prances around at home practicing and is often found in the yard making up her own little dance. However, this whole year she has remembered that concert. She has been apprehensive about it, not nervous I don’t think, but apprehensive. We have supported her through it and listened to her concerns but been encouraging at the same time.

She performed her first dance on Sunday beautifully, and you could see that she in fact was probably the leader of her little group, they all looked at her for the next move. There was one point though where I grabbed Hubby’s arm and whispered “she looks like she’s going to cry”. She didn’t though, and she finished the dance.

There was a short intermission and her second dance was to begin. But as all the Little Red Riding Hood’s skipped on to stage, I immediately knew, she wasn’t there and she wasn’t coming on. My heart dropped, I was worried for her, so I scooted backstage and there was my Little Red Riding Hood, in her costume with tears streaming down her face.

I was supportive but did not baby her, I did not try to persuade her to go out on stage either. If she was to go out, it would have to be her own decision. I was neither the pushy parent or the pandering parent, rather the supportive parent. She chose not to go back on for her other dances, she was upset, visibly, but I just kept telling her that she had already done her best. She said she didn’t like the crowds and I got it. I guess the crowd was her very own Big Bad Wolf.

Instead, I sat behind the black curtain while she sat to the side of the stage and waited for her name to be called to grab her trophy. Our family cheered loudly for her, hoping that it would make her feel better, and that out there in the sea of faces there were in fact people who loved her no matter what.

Tonight she goes back to dancing, and I know she’ll love it because she doesn’t have to be in front of the crowd. I’m not sure what will happen next year, she has been saying for a while she doesn’t want to do dancing anymore but Karate instead (not sure still where that has come from!). Whatever she chooses, we will support her, however, we will encourage her to stick with whatever she chooses for the year, she also needs to learn that you can’t just give up on things.

Have you had moments like this as a parent?

Bel x

Yearly Christmas Photos

The last two years, I have set up two beautiful photographs of Phoebe to give to people for our favourite holiday season.  This year, I am searching for inspiration again, and maybe you are too?  Here were the last two years images, both I which I love!

This was 2010, when I was still learning to use my camera properly on manual.  Although there are lots of things wrong and I know I could do better now, I still love this photograph.  First of all, a tripod would have been to hold the camera steady.

And this was last years!  I love, love, love it!  Her expression is just so perfect!  Secret tip:  Inside the box was a large torch, the room was completely dark and I had my iPhone torch app projected onto the front of the box.  After a bit of playing around with my settings,  we ended up with this perfect image.

So, what do you think?  Do you take a Christmas photo for your Christmas card each year?  Any suggestions on what I could do this year (I have a couple of cute ones)?

Bel x

Self Portrait Maternity – 24 weeks

Bare with me, I’m writing this post from my iPhone whilst lying in bed. Two late nights this week have started taking it’s toll on this mumma.

The week has flown! Lots of preparation for Bubba V’s arrival with the playroom nearly finished and Ikea flat packs being put together.

This week I seem to be traveling along quite well, ask me how I am after the few hot days we have coming up. Bubba V seems to like only kicking me on my right side at the moment but I savor each one. My pelvis is still giving me grief, some days worse than other. I love that my belly is becoming more rounded now too.

Bel x

One hell of a week

It’s been one hell of a week here, so good, yet so tiring, so exciting and yet scary.  Tuesday night I had my big dinner with other bloggers which I wrote about here and didn’t arrive home into the wee hours of the morning.  The late night alone coupled with being pregnant and also the nervousness that came along with actually attending the event made me tired for the next few days.  However, I felt so invigorated, like what I am doing here might actually mean something in the greater world and that in fact I may finally begin to be forging new bonds with other people like me.

But if that wasn’t enough, I was lucky this week to also attend my first ever blogging event held by 360immerse and Target.  Once again, nerves and panic swept over me when I was first invited and I wasn’t sure I’d say yes.  But with some reassurance from some others, including hubby, I went along with Phoebe.  We had such an amazing morning viewing the new children’s clothing range from Target.  I was also lucky enough to meet some more beautiful bloggers and get to see what these events are actually like.

The Collette Dinnigan Ballet range is seriously all types of cute and pretty!!  Tutus, and soft colours, oh my!  If Bubba V is a girl, she’ll need to watch out, Mummy will be stocking up on this stuff!  Phoebe worked out what she wants to buy on the day, so a visit to Target is imminent in the next week or so.  It was also great to see a formal wear range for girls of all ages and at reasonable prices too.

The colours available at Target this summer include that of the rainbow and more.  And for once, despite not having a son, I was well and truly impressed with the boys collection.  I have and continue to be impressed by the quality of the clothes and durability.  There are many more exciting children’s wear products out for summer and Christmas, but these are the two that impressed me Phoebe and I the most.

Bel x

Disclosure: I was under no obligation whatsoever to write this post.  Phoebe and I had a wonderful morning and attended because we were already big fans of Target and wanted to see what new things were on offer.  We did however receive the costs of our transport and Target gift cards which was a really lovely surprise and we will enjoy spending on some of the new products we saw.

In the words of Dora the Explorer “I did, I did it, I did it yeah!”

Today I am exhausted, I am spent.  The left side of my neck aches, there is no relief and there is a dull pulsing in my right temple.  It was there yesterday, I know exactly what it is and how long it will last (three days, always three days) I slept, and recovered slightly and pushed on.  Last night was the big event of me stepping outside my comfort zone.  I’d come this far, putting myself out there and all, there was no way in hell I was going to pull out.  So I jumped in the shower, it’s truly amazing how theapuctic one simple act can be, and readied myself for the night ahead.

I had literally not met any of the women who I was going to be dining with, the most information I had about them was from their blogs, twitter and instagram accounts.  Some of my friends and work collegues were concerned, you know, with the way the world is at the moment and how close to home some things have been.  I gave all the details to my Sister, you know, just in case.  I grabbed my bottle of water (one of my panic attack saftey nets) and typed an address into my iPhone (I was lucky enough to have the lovely Cherie offer for me to go to her house and grab a lift in), and off I went.

I put the trust in my iPhone map as it directed me the long way to the short cut and into some heavy traffic (a panic attack waiting to happen right there, but I coped).  However despite all that, I managed to arrive at Cherie’s right on time and finally met her in real life.  She was so welcoming and lovely, that I honestly felt like we had know eachother for years.  She put me at ease in an instant (thank you!).  First impressions last don’t you think?

We arrived at the resturant spot on time again (for us Mum’s quite an amazing feet right there!).  I was introduced to so many wonderful women who I admire from afar in the wonderful world that is the internet.  There were quite a few of us, and meant I only really spoke to a couple over tea and got to know them better.  But there’s always next time.  Our bellies were stuffed full of amazing food and desert.  There was laughter, instagramming, and general chit chat.  An outsider would have suspected some sort of work gathering, or a Mum’s night out.  I felt so at home the whole time, I honestly did.  I had moments where I was overwhelmed but I just kept reminding myself that I had already achieved so much just sitting at that very table.

I came home in the wee hours of this morning, and believe me, I am now more well aware that I am no longer in my twenties and need at least eight hours sleep.  When I was in bed, thoughts swirled for at least another hour or so, new friendships, inspiration and direction.

I had a wonderful night, and I am so very greatful for the invite and the welcoming arms of these lovely lady bloggers.  In the next few weeks, I’ll share their blogs here with you too, I’m sure you’ll fall in love.  Until then, I’m off for a quick nap while Phoebe is at Kinder and Fynn is tucked up.

Bel x

 

Self Portrait Maternity – 23 weeks

A few days late again!  The weeks seem to be sneaking up on me and before I realise it, it’s Sunday night and I’ve completely forgotton my post.  Better late than never right?

This week I haven’t listened to my body, I’ve been sore, really sore.  So over the weekend I relaxed, lots, and am feeling much better for it.  I’ve started to do a few ‘crazy’ pregnanct woman things, one of which involved completely loosing the boom gate key to our caravan park (to the point where I think I actually may have thrown it out), and going to delete a crappy photo off my phone, only to realise that I in fact deleted a couple the I loved and wanted 😦

Sorry about the blur in this one, can you tell I was rushing?

The belly is getting rounder, although some days it reverts back to the ‘sqaure’ belly.  There is no mistaking that I am pregnant, not that I just had a few extra deserts after dinner.  Emotions have been playing up again too, by the end of the week I felt at my wits end, and if it weren’t for some friends, I’d be going quietly insane!  But, all in all, I’m feeling great, we are on the down hill slide to Christmas and the holidays, my most favourite time of the year.  Phoebe and I are doing some wonderful crafts and are getting outdoors more and more.

Bel x

Building the brave and putting myself out there

Anxiety and Panic Attacks…..I suffer from them, not as badly as others, but I do.  I’m not afraid to share this part of my life, it sometimes helps me do things I normally wouldn’t, if people know.  And it has made other people realize along my journey that they too are very much like me.

I’m not sure whether it is coming with age, but I am trying to build my brave lately.  Encouraging myself to get out there and do things that my panic attacks would normally prevent me (or more realistically, my brain is preventing me) from wanting to do.  Maybe it’s because I’m pregnant too….I find that when I am, and usually for the first year of bubo’s life, my attacks minimize, I have other things on my crazy mind.  Whatever it is, I’m currently grasping things with both hands and putting myself out there like never before!

A few weeks ago, I took a punt, I invited a kinder friend of Phoebe and his Mum (hello Brydie, I know you visit here sometimes x) around for a play-date.  The un-brave me would never do such a thing, never ever!!  But she seemed so lovely and I thought we would have some things in common.  So I bit the bullet….I asked, and they said yes.  They came over on Sunny Friday and stayed for hours.  We ate homemade scones and chatted while the kids played beautifully in the back yard.  It was the perfect morning, so nice, and anything but scary, anything but!

Next week I’ve been invited out with some lovely ladies, none of whom I have ever met.  Rather, each week I find out about them and get to know them through their blogs.  I put myself out there, I told them that one day too I’d like to join them for one of their dinners.  Never did I think that I might actually get invited.  When I did, I panicked, I truly did.  I’m still panicking if I’m going to be completely honest.  Questions swirl through my head and collide,  What if they don’t like me?  What if I make a fool out of myself?  What if I have nothing to talk about?  Maybe they’ll think my little bit of cyber-space is not that crash hot? What if I have a panic attack?   BREATH BEL, BREATHE!!

I’ve decided that the easy thing to do is to say that I can’t make it…. the easy thing to do, easy.  But easy has helped me miss out on some great things in the past, some great, fun, life changing things!  I’d love to make some new friends, a new circle that is just for me.  I would love to feel connected to a world I’m slowly becoming a part of.  I’m not sure how things will work out, but I guess I have to try.  So, I’m going to bite the bullet and I’m going to go.  I’m going to get in my car, drive to a house and get a lift into the city with someone who I have only ever communicated to through blog comments, tweets and instagram (which if you know me, not driving and getting a lift is a HUGE deal for me).  I’m going to sit down for dinner with a bunch of women I have not met in real life, and I’m going to see where it takes me……….

Have you tried to build your brave lately?

Bel x

Self Portrait Maternity – 22 weeks

I completely forgot my 22 week picture last week in the haze that was staying at home with Phoebe, not working and enjoying every second of it!!  So here it is, taken by my sister over the weekend while we were all enjoying a beautiful day at the park.

I’m feeling Bubba V move alot more this week and I can see and feel him/her from the outside too, which is so cool, I love it!  The bump is getting a little rounder and I am slowly feeling more confident wearing tighter clothes.

I really enjoyed my week at home with Phoebe just plodding around the house, and it gave me lots of time to think about how to stay connected to her when Bubba V arrives.  Phoebe will be at 4 year Kinder next year, which I know she will love and will thrive on.  She will be there for 2 full days and one half day, this will make good time for Bubba V and I to have some quality one on one time.  I’ve already planned that on Phoebe’s one half day at kinder, that will be our afternoon together, crafting, playing, going for a coffee or even to the movies.  It will be our special time together, just the two of us.  I know she will love it and so will I.

The talk of names is starting to heat up and hopefully over the Christmas break when we are nice and relaxed, we can narrow the list to a top two for each.  The new playroom is coming along beautifully.  I’m so proud of Hubby and the hard work he puts in at work and then at home.  Floor boards will be laid in two weeks time, which means Ikea, here I come!!

I’m back to loving orange crush cordial and ginger bread again, and spending little snippets of time alone.  My emotions and back in check, although I am starting to feel my tolerance levels are becoming lower with people around me (luckily my family isn’t included in this yet).  I’m also loving the warmer weather, however I’m not sure how I will cope during the ‘real’ summer that is approaching (Phoebe was a winter baby).

So there it is, my 22 week catch up.  Stay tuned in a few days time for week 23.  What are you loving at the moment (pregnant or not)?

Bel x

One week on

Today has been a week since Phoebe had her tonsils and adenoids out. It feels like just yesterday though, that I was holding her down on the operating theatre bed, her eyes pleading with me and screaming my name over and over whilst thrashing about. Thanks to my friends who prepared me for that bit, you told me it would by far be the worst thing, and it was, but because I was prepared I was so strong for her. I just kept holding her telling her that Mummy was here and that everything was going to be alright. I didn’t realise poor Hubby was actually watching through the door, helpless, wanting to cry and punch the guy who was holding the mask over her face. When I went to the waiting room, I wanted to cry, I so wanted to cry, but there were other Mum’s and Dad’s waiting to do the same thing, so instead, I continued to be strong and waited.

It took her most of the day to notice her hand, once she didn’t she wanted to know what the hell it was!  It stayed in until night time and the needle didn’t come out til home time.

The day of the op involved lots of sleeping, a few vomits, some visitors, tears and lots of hugs. Since then, my girl has been so brave and strong. She is eating normally with normal food, keeping up her fluids (including the perscribed coke) and is doing so well pain wise only surviving with panadol, and never once has she complained or cried yet. I’ve been waiting for her to hit the brick wall of pain that I have been told about, but it has yet to happen, I still wait for it though.

After a rough start the morning we were due to come home, they finally released her and all she wanted was Subway.  Your wish is my command!

It’s hard to tell a kid of four that they need to rest, so we nap like we normally do and today we are at home having a quiet day. We’ll watch some television, play dolls quietly and do some crafts. She talks but nowhere near as much as she usually does, which if you know her you know shes a talker, it’s weird that the house is so quiet. And when she does talk, her voice is different, chipmunk like, and that’s going to take getting used to.

I’m glad it’s all over, I’m glad she is home with us where she should be and I can take care of her. This week, I know for sure that I was made to be her Mum.

What are you up to this week while I’m at home with my girl?

Bel x