Anxiety and Panic Attacks…..I suffer from them, not as badly as others, but I do. I’m not afraid to share this part of my life, it sometimes helps me do things I normally wouldn’t, if people know. And it has made other people realize along my journey that they too are very much like me.
I’m not sure whether it is coming with age, but I am trying to build my brave lately. Encouraging myself to get out there and do things that my panic attacks would normally prevent me (or more realistically, my brain is preventing me) from wanting to do. Maybe it’s because I’m pregnant too….I find that when I am, and usually for the first year of bubo’s life, my attacks minimize, I have other things on my crazy mind. Whatever it is, I’m currently grasping things with both hands and putting myself out there like never before!
A few weeks ago, I took a punt, I invited a kinder friend of Phoebe and his Mum (hello Brydie, I know you visit here sometimes x) around for a play-date. The un-brave me would never do such a thing, never ever!! But she seemed so lovely and I thought we would have some things in common. So I bit the bullet….I asked, and they said yes. They came over on Sunny Friday and stayed for hours. We ate homemade scones and chatted while the kids played beautifully in the back yard. It was the perfect morning, so nice, and anything but scary, anything but!
Next week I’ve been invited out with some lovely ladies, none of whom I have ever met. Rather, each week I find out about them and get to know them through their blogs. I put myself out there, I told them that one day too I’d like to join them for one of their dinners. Never did I think that I might actually get invited. When I did, I panicked, I truly did. I’m still panicking if I’m going to be completely honest. Questions swirl through my head and collide, What if they don’t like me? What if I make a fool out of myself? What if I have nothing to talk about? Maybe they’ll think my little bit of cyber-space is not that crash hot? What if I have a panic attack? BREATH BEL, BREATHE!!
I’ve decided that the easy thing to do is to say that I can’t make it…. the easy thing to do, easy. But easy has helped me miss out on some great things in the past, some great, fun, life changing things! I’d love to make some new friends, a new circle that is just for me. I would love to feel connected to a world I’m slowly becoming a part of. I’m not sure how things will work out, but I guess I have to try. So, I’m going to bite the bullet and I’m going to go. I’m going to get in my car, drive to a house and get a lift into the city with someone who I have only ever communicated to through blog comments, tweets and instagram (which if you know me, not driving and getting a lift is a HUGE deal for me). I’m going to sit down for dinner with a bunch of women I have not met in real life, and I’m going to see where it takes me……….
Have you tried to build your brave lately?