I’m scared, I know I shouldn’t be but….

I’ve re-written this post a couple of times, taken out sentences, added in different ones, then deleted the whole thing and started from scratch today.  I didn’t want this post to come across negatively, at the time when I originally wrote the post (the deleted one) I guess I was in a negative mindset.  But now that things have calmed and I’m feeling level-headed, I’m re-writing the post in a way that seems more fitting.

I have never been extremely body confident, but was happy with my body and the way I looked before I had Phoebe.  I’ve never really been one for exercising or playing team sports either.  When I fell pregnant with Phoebe, I put on 15 kilos and since the day I had her, I’ve only lost 5 kilos (funny that that was probably how much she weighed, whoops!).  I have many stretch marks to tell the tale of her being in my belly, I like to call them ‘kick marks’ though and they honestly don’t bother me one little bit (I was never a bikini wearer in the first place).  I was left too with LOTS of excess skin, the type that my Doctor told me could never be toned through exercise, only fixed by surgery.  But I hide it well with my clothes choices, no one notices, and when I have shown friends, needless to say, they were a little shocked.

About six months ago, I became unhappy with my body and I’ll stress I wasn’t necessarily unhappy with my weight, more the way I felt.  And so I started to move my body!  I slowly (with the help of some friends) built up my walking to spurts of jogging.  I borrowed a treadmill and started jogging even further.  I actually did start to enjoy it (previously I lacked motivation and drive).  I’m unlucky in the fact though that I can’t change my diet too much, I have this unusual problemo with texture which doesn’t allow me to eat fruit, salad and some veggies (although I’m getting better at having them within other foods).  And then I fell pregnant, I got tired (like we all do) and I was too exhausted some nights to even manage with all the housework let alone going for a walk/jog.  Now my pelvis is playing up too, so I’m in a spot of bother.

This image is from my Pinterest Board ‘Move it’ – I cannot find the original source to give credit where credit is due 😦

So, I’m scared, I know I shouldn’t be, but I was already unhappy with my body…..I’m completely happy at the moment though, I’m pregnant and loving the little home I am creating.  But I’m wondering what state my body will be left in after Bubba V arrives?  I’m not feeling at all pressured by celebrities and their bounce back bodies (although I sometimes do have the urge to slap them), they obviously worked hard, really really hard.  So, my question to you is, am I alone in the way I’m feeling?  How did you or are you trying to feel better about your body after children?

Bel x


Mad Mummas

Phoebe is at an age now where I have passed some of the hard stages, you know the ones… the sleepless nights and eyes that feel like they are on fire at all hours of the day.  Crying that can last for hours, until of course hubby arrives home and then she acts like the perfect angel.  Making the hard decisions, like realising breastfeeding just isn’t working for me, which then in turn increased my panic attacks by ten fold and having to put her on the bottle.  Trying to figure out why the heck this little baby is so distressed this time, is it teething or is it something else?  And where the fuck did the instruction manual go for this little one?  Lost in transit perhaps?

Being a parent, being a Mum is a bloody hard gig!  Don’t get me wrong, there are so many rosie days along the way, the ones where you look down at your little one, sigh with pride and bursting love, finding it hard to believe she is actually here and no less, yours!  But there are the dark days, the hard ones, the ones where you are at your wits end and just don’t know what the hell to do anymore!  Everyone has these bad days, but some are relentless and much much worse.

I’m sure many of you know someone or have even experienced Postnatal Depression yourself.  According to PANDA “More than 15% of women and 10% of men develop postnatal depression”.  I myself did not suffer from PND (but was always accutely aware due to my panic attacks), but many friends now have.  I am no expert at all on the matter, but strongly believe women need to supprt eachother and take away any stigma that is attached to having PND.  

The reason for this post is a simple one, I know many women who have had PND and have had it effect their lives and that of their families in very different ways.  Two of my friends are in training to complete The Age Run Melbourne, which is a 10km run.  They will be donating all money they raise to their chosen charity which is PANDA  Head on over to their page Mad Mummas and give as much or as little as you can for a great cause!!

The girls have been dragging me alone with them on their Monday training, I’m having a great time, even though they are way ahead of me!  You’ll be great girls, keep up the good work for such a great cause!

Bel x

Breaking Point

I have reached breaking point, or better still just a point where I can’t go on the way I am.  I was on a good fitness streak before the wedding (and not because I was getting married either, because I just felt blah!).  I was loving the immediate feeling after working out, that feeling though is hard to remember when you are trying to drag yourself out of bed to exercise.  My weight didn’t budge one bit, but my body was changing.  But all that fell in a heap after the wedding, now I’m too scared to get on the scales.

The other day I borrowed a treadmill off a friend, there will be NO more excuses for not getting off my arse and moving.  The things that bought me to this point though were numerous:

– After Phoebe’s first major tantrum I can remember (it was a bloody good one too that lasted a full hour of her screaming and crying like I was stabbing her in the eyes or cutting off her legs with a steak knife) which just so happened to conicide with my first walk in ages with her in the pram.  At this point, I realised I could no longer rely on her to come with me and be 100% angel like.  So how the hell was I going to fit in exercise?

– The moment when I had dressed up a little, did my hair (which I normally put no effort into at all) and made-up my face, which is also very rare but made me feel so pretty, even a little hot (I strutted like I was hot).  Hot until I looked back at a photo and realised that what I saw when I walked out the door that day and what the camera saw were two totally different things!

– When I finally succumbed to buying my first ever pair of high wasited stretchy jeans (which I must say I rock) and coming to terms with the fact that my body shape will NEVER be the same as it was pre-Phoebe.  This is not me giving up on trimming down, rather realising I can but my body just isn’t going to be that of when I was young.

– The fact that I just feel shit-house really!  Clothes are a little tighter in places that they never were and just feeling blah.

– The cooler weather is not helping the situation really either.  And the fact that I can’t exercise after I eat, which means no walking after dinner alone (plus I am scared of walking the streets in the dark by myself).

So treadmill it is!!  It’s under my pergola, closed in from the elements but I am still able to get my fresh air and fit in exercise at any time of the day I can.  I also have a TV out there which means I can catch up on all my trash TV, yay!!  I have taken my measurements too but I will not be getting on the scales for a while.

How are you going to combat exercising in the colder weather, especially without a gym membership?

Bel x

(I have already used the treadmill a bit and have gone on a power walk, with somes running spurts with a couple of friends)

On a mission

I’m on a mission today, and I have have my mantra “Do not reward yourself with food, your not a dog!”.  I’m still on school holidays, and now that we are home I am surrounded with all the naughty things I got for Christmas to eat (I am a self-confessed chocolate whore!).  My body is feeling blah after the onslaught of the festive season and now that I am home and starting to get back into a routine, it is now time!   

This is what I’ve done:

1. New measurements have been taken.

2. Goals have been set, and plans have been made for what I am going to do.

3. I’ve gone out and bought myself some new work out gear.

4. I have even gone as far as to take a picture of my body as it stands. I was going to post it too, but I realise how good I am at covering up what is underneath and I don’t want to scare the shit out of you!

And this is what I am going to do:

1.  Watch what I eat, which has now been helped a little by figuring out a good, healthy bread I can eat without getting sick.

2.  Cut down severely on the vodka, I haven’t had a single one all week!

3. Try new foods (those of you who know me, know I struggle with a weird problem to do with fruits and salads which makes eating healthy that bit harder).

4.  Work out every day, not matter what, any type of exercise is better than nothing, even if it is a short walk to the park and back.

5. Water, lemon water and more water!

6. and the BIGGEST one……stay MOTIVATED and think POSITIVE.

Do you have some health goals for the next few weeks?

Bel x

How trying to get fit gave me an addition of the opposite kind

March 3rd 2012 is nearly only four months away, and that’s the date of my wedding!  I wouldn’t say that I’m fat, far from it (although my Doctor did inform me politely that for the first time in my life I sit in the overweight category of the BMI – thanks for that, I cried a little when I got into the car that night!).  I don’t necessarily want to loose weight, a few cm’s here and there will do, but mostly I just want to feel healthy and comfortable in my own skin.  I’m not unhappy with my body, nor am I happy, it’s just changed so much since I had P and I definately don’t wear the things I used to.

So how the hell did wanting to get fit turn into an addiction to sitting on my arse searching away on my computer?  I was looking for an inspirational quote, something to think of to get me moving when I couldn’t be stuffed and possibly some examples of work outs to do at home.  It was with this in mind that I stumbled across Pinterest! 

It is so much better than the description people give!  Virtual Pinboard sounds so boring and lame!  I started my first board “Move it” full of hot bods, inspirational quotes and workouts and from there moved into a land of day dreams, inspiration, photographs and colour!  I could spend hours trawling the boards that I follow and the community as a whole.  I daydream of winning tattslotto so I can build a house and design it from pictures I have pinned.  I get lost here in this place some days, some days so much so that I forget to get off my arse and exercise!!

I will visit my boards weekly and update them too, but my goal for next week is to print off one of my inspirational quotes, pin it next to my computer and get out and exercise.  Because I want to, I really want to.  I will find the time, other Mum’s seem to!  Can you?

You can follow me here on my Pinterest page and let me know when your addiction takes hold so I can follow your boards too.

B x